Born and bred in New York, Larry and Jane left the city to buy a cattle ranch in Wyoming. Months later, a friend flew out for a visit. “So, what did you name the ranch?” he asked.
“At first, we couldn’t agree on anything,” said the new cowboy. “We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch.”
“Wow!” His friend was impressed. But looking around, he saw no cattle. “So where are all the cows?”
“None of them survived the branding.”
A dairy farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket…….it went in one ear and out the udder.
A city slicker moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.
“That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. “I mean business,” the city slicker replied.
A week later he was back again. “I need another 100 chicks,” he said. “Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,” the man told him.
“Yeah,” the city slicker replied. “If I can iron out a few problems.”
“Problems?” asked the proprietor. “Yeah,” he replied, “I think I planted that last batch too close together.”
A kind farmer told the forlorn lad whose load of hay had overturned in the road, to forget his troubles and come in and have dinner with his family. "There will be time enough to clean up the load after a good meal."
The boy was hesitant, saying he didn't think his father would like it. But the farmer persisted and won. After the meal, the boy said he felt better and expressed his appreciation for the hospitality. At the same time, he was sure his father would not be happy.
"Nonsense!" said the host. "By the way," he added, "Where is your father?"
"Under the hay," was the response.
Some men in a ute drove into a timber yard.
One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The employee said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?"
The man paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the man returned to the office and said,
"A long time. We're gonna build a house.”